uhh.....what did you say????

Do you want to hear a funny (and somewhat irritating) story?

Yesterday someone knocked on my door. In my slowed state I wasn't able to jump up and get it super fast, but for a large woman I actually did get to the door in a decent time. It was the typical UPS doorbell-ditch; meaning the UPS man dropped a package at my door and went back to his truck. "Oh, I got a package?" is what I was thinking as I bent over to pick it up. By the time I noticed that the package was not addressed to me and the shipping address was to one that doesn't even exist (although similar to mine) the driver had driven away. Darn!

I thought it was no big deal. I would go in and look up the person, call her, and tell her I have her package. Simple right? Not so much - I couldn't find her. Again no big deal, I would call UPS and tell them of the mistake and to come and get the package. Simple right? Again, not so much! I called the local UPS store and was told they are privately owned and that I would need to call the corporate office. This is where my story becomes humorous; I say this because I am trying to convince myself of the humor, otherwise I think I would just be angry...

So I call the big UPS office. After several attempt to get past the voice-activated, automated system, which never has the option available that you want, I actually get someone on the phone. Wouldn't you know it was someone who hardly speaks English. Now, I am all for immigration (clarification - LEGAL immigration), and I am all for immigrants learning English and getting a job, but I not in favor of hiring them in any sort of customer service field unless their English is flawless. It makes for a very difficult conversation when one party doesn't understand what the other party is saying...wouldn't you agree?

Okay, so on with the story...the man comes on the phone and I tell him of my predicament. These were my words (more or less), "Hi, a package was just delivered here by mistake. It is addressed to someone else and the address isn't my address. I would like someone to come and pick it up please." He then proceeds to tell me that they would be happy to do that and there will be a ten dollar service fee. I stopped him before he could continue (I know, totally rude). A ten dollar service fee?! For whom?! He said they would charge ME a ten dollar service fee to come and pick it up!!!! Can you see the humor here - that is ridiculous! I told him that wouldn't work for me. I explained that I am actually doing them a favor by even calling and letting them know this package was here. I added that this was their mistake and I wouldn't be paying any fee. He persisted. Having to repeat myself to an adult after I have made myself pretty clear never goes well with me; maybe because I repeat myself all day to young children, I sort of expect an adult to understand the first time. This is where maybe the language barrier might have been a problem. My tone started to go from polite to very sternly polite (with a hint of irritation and amazement).

So where to go from here? Well, at that point I told him this, "I will give you my address, put the package on my front step, and if it isn't gone in a couple days I am throwing it away." He responded with a dumbfounded, "What?" I repeated the scenario and then added, "of course when I throw it away, Marie Whatever Whatever her name is and the shipper aren't going be to thrilled with you for 'losing' their package." There was more conversation in between - mostly in broken English and then this. This is the funniest part of the whole story. He says to me the following, "I have a great idea of a way you can get it returned without paying a fee. If you see a UPS truck drive by, wave down the driver and return it him." Are you laughing? I am. Go and look at the picture of me in the previous post - can you imagine me, with that belling, running down the sidewalk, waving my arms, yelling, 'Mr. UPS man I have a package for you, please stop and come get it!' I think he would look at my like I was on drugs or at least totally crazy! Now I never think sarcasm is a good thing, but at this point I just couldn't help myself - it almost came out on its own. I responded with a very snippy, "Oh, your right, I just sit out of my front porch all day waiting for a UPS truck to drive by. That is a terrible suggestion. I live in a cul-de-sac, it could be weeks before I see another driver!"

Again, where to go from here? He stumbled over some hardly coherent English when I finally gave a suggestion of my own, since we were clearly at a stand-still. I told him I would just drop it off at a UPS store because there is one by the grocery story that I shop at. I was thinking he would surely tell me I couldn't since apparently they are privately owned (as the girl had told me earlier), but he said that would be a great idea. What? If is such a great idea, why not suggest that over flagging down a driver? I have doubts about whether it will work or not - I plan on just telling them to throw the package away if they won't take it because that is all I am going to do with it (even though Scott thinks we ought to at least see what is inside - I have guilt issues with opening other people's mail/packages).

I then gave the man some friendly advice along the lines of him telling someone in charge to change that policy. I am pretty sure he either didn't understand me or just didn't want to deal with the situation. Oh, but my favorite part of the conversation was the end where he thanked me for using UPS. I told him I wasn't using UPS - it was a mistake that I even had a package from them. Oh brother, here we go again. I let it end at that before trying to explain this obviously difficult situation to him yet again (oooh, again with the sarcasm, sorry).

NOTE: I am actually pretty good at understanding people with accents. My grandparents had pretty thick accents (they were Argentine immigrants - see, I told you I don't mind immigrants) and I have lived in countries where they speak with very thick accents (Ghana and South Africa). I just don't like it when I am needing help and they put someone of the phone who really can't help me because they don't understand English very well. It is like they are given a specific word-track and any deviation from that turns into a lingual train wreck. Oooh, it bugs me. So much so, that all I can do is laugh!